It’s a year of taking risks for me. I did something expensive and time-consuming in January earlier this year to fulfill a dream I’ve had for almost ten years, by taking time off work to travel to Costa Rica to complete my 200 hour yoga teacher training.
It didn’t make sense. I have a job- one that I really love. I didn’t really even know what I wanted out of doing the training, but I knew that this practice of yoga has brought me back to my Self again and again when I have felt lost. I wanted to deepen my practice and feel equipped to share it with others. I wasn’t sure if I would actually end up teaching or what would happen, but my intuition told me it was time to do this for myself.
I met amazing people from all over the world, had a tarantula run over my foot while I ate supper, almost died (pretty sure) white water tubing, saw a scorpion fall from the studio beams narrowly missing a fellow yogi’s head, swam with bioluminescent algae in the ocean under a beautiful moon, and got a lot of really stiff muscles. I learned ancient philosophy, meditated on the beach (it’s really hard to sit still and breathe for 20 minutes), and practiced teaching yoga. Suffice it to say, there were many new experiences.
Not knowing what I was in for was really not so scary when I allowed myself to be present each moment and open to the experiences. Fear is mostly created out of what our minds construct based on the past, or hypotheses about the future. We are rarely actually in danger most of the time. Discomfort, maybe. Danger, generally not (except for the tubing- that was not cool).
Discomfort can be worked with and moved through with the natural resources our brain and body already possess. Just like my body and brain naturally knew how to heal my stiff muscles, and build them to become stronger, our systems do have a natural capacity to heal from stress and dis-ease. When we become disconnected from this, there are things that can help us to recover, which is what my work is all about and why I love it.
When I got back from Costa Rica, I came across this and wrote it on a chalkboard so I would keep coming back to it: “Do not move the way fear makes you move. Move the way love makes you move. Move the way joy makes you move.” -Osho
When I become attached to “knowing”- that is, being able to predict and control every facet of what comes next- I rob myself of the freedom to move with joy and spontaneity, the way kids dance. I become more concerned with the way others may judge or perceive me and the risk of failure. I restrict my options and the possibilities open to me. Being okay with not knowing opens doors and allows for positive change to happen. Even really random things, like maybe trying a food you thought you hated again. I don’t know why I used to hate asparagus and now I like it, but that’s cool and I’m going with it.
Moving from joy and love has led to some pretty good experiences. It leads to taking risks and being vulnerable, but every time it brings growth and connection. As much as I like learning and “knowing”, there’s something to be said for “not knowing”.
