In an effort to maintain a sense of our selves as competent and in control, we so often deny our vulnerability, hurt and pain. When we do this, we are trying to save ourselves, but in truth we actually lose an important part of ourselves. The essence of trauma is disconnection- from Self, and from others. When we don’t acknowledge all parts of ourselves, including our feelings (even the uncomfortable and vulnerable ones), we pay a high price. We can’t really engage in meaningful relationships and activities when we are numbed out. Numbing and avoidance are common symptoms of trauma, and are the mind’s way of trying to cope with overwhelming stress. There is often a fear that if the parts that numb and avoid stop doing that, panic would set in and the ability to cope with everyday life would be out the window.
Trauma symptoms can be described as a normal response to abnormal circumstances. What happens in the body and mind in life threatening circumstances is not (hopefully) an everyday occurrence, but it can be essential to survival when under threat. That threat can be real or perceived, and the effect is the same. It is characterized by a sense of loss of control. People can also be traumatized by the chronic situations, like growing up in a neglectful home where they don’t feel important or cared for. It’s not uncommon for people to have symptoms even though their rational brain knows that they are safe now.
New research in neurobiology is helping us understand better than ever before how stressful life experiences impact us, including how our nervous system functions, which impacts every thing else (immune system, digestion and chronic pain, to name a few ways). Yet, so often I hear from clients “I didn’t think it was that big of deal” or “there are lots of people that had it worse”. We all have parts of ourselves that try to protect us from feeling overwhelmed or out of control. Sometimes in an effort to help us cope, those parts try to minimize and avoid owning experiences where we felt weak, powerless or shame. We are much more comfortable thinking of ourselves as competent and in control all the time, and we don’t like to imagine that there is actually a possibility of terrible things happening that we can’t prevent.
So what does healing involve? Many things. First, it needs to be paced so that it doesn’t overwhelm the ability of the brain and body to cope. If a person is still in a dangerous situation (physically, mentally or emotionally) trauma processing is not appropriate because the brain and body actually do need to be in fight, flight or freeze mode to survive. Second, it supports processing and integration of painful experiences so that they can be owned as part of your story. This means being able to recognize and acknowledge what happened from a present moment orientation (not re-experiencing) and helps the mind to be able to fully recognize the difference between then and now. The intention is to move the mind and body out of habitual survival responses. Finally, as energy is freed up by the loosening of restrictive trauma responses (the same patterns over and over), there are possibilities, choices and preferences to be explored- a new way of being.